Last Night a D.J. Saved My Life
Ok…it wasn’t a D.J., it was an interview. And technically it wasn’t last night. It was like…uh…8 weeks ago. But “8 weeks ago an interview saved my life” just doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as Mariah’s original tune.
I didn’t mention this in my summer recap post, but one other real contender for “worst travel experience” could have been the 2 ½ hour drive from the Atlanta airport to McCormick, SC where my parents live. Normally, this drive is no big deal. But this time our plane landed at 12:00 am. By the time we got our bags and got our rental car it was 1:00 am. This meant that, if everything went according to plan, we would arrive at my parent’s house at 3:30 am. Brilliant planning, really.
What genius came up with said plan? That would be the same person that mapped out our super relaxing summer itinerary. And naturally, that person is me. What’s that you ask? Do I enjoy torturing myself? Based on recently presented evidence you would think so, wouldn’t you? But strangely enough, no I don’t. I actually quite like relaxing, and having lots of down time, and driving during the day and sleeping when it is dark. So what gives?
My whole thought process behind booking this silly flight went something like this:
The flight is two days after we land in the States
We will totally be jet lagged (Beijing is 12 hour’s ahead of the East Coast)
So driving at night won’t feel like “night” (except that whole it-is-really-dark-thing), it will feel like day.
Oh, and I’m sure we will sleep on the plane so we will be rested by the time we get to our rental car.
And just because I was feeling confident, I also thought to myself:
Even if it sorta sucks…it is only a 2 ½ hour drive. How bad could it be?*
*never utter the words, ‘How bad could it be’ when kids or public toilets in China are involved. You are seriously asking for it.
Let me just put it on record that I was right about the still being super jet-lagged part. Additionally, as suspected, we did not sleep much the night before our flight. But that being said, we also did not sleep on the plane because…you know…we have children. And children are professional plan ruiners. It is their job.
So we were all whacked out of our minds because of jet lag but we were also EXHAUSTED because we hadn’t slept in like 24 hours. And now we had a 2 ½ hour drive ahead of us. YAY!
The first hour passed rather uneventfully. We had a little adrenaline pumping as we were just excited to be off the plane. But eventually the hum of the car and the weight of our eyelids got the better of us. It didn’t help that the last hour and a half of our journey took us down dark, deer infested, two-lane, small country roads.
I was trying so hard to be a dutiful passenger but the head-bob was in full effect. It was time to bring out the big guns. In most cases, “the big guns” would look a whole lot like a grande-mucho, venti, double shot of what-ever-you-got, latte from Starbucks. But remember, it was 2 am and we were in the sticks. No fancy coffees for us.
We needed something else. Something riveting to talk about. Something that would keep our minds off the fact that sleeping in that ditch…the one right there…sounded so so good. We needed something, literally, eye opening.
In my best attempt to stimulate conversation, I suggested to Brad that I would interview him for this blog. The topic that the interview would be based on? Our bedroom décor. I know, riveting stuff, right? Brado thought so too, but we carried on anyways because we were desperate and sleep deprived and being attacked by suicidal deer.
So here is our interview in full. Oh and, you have to pretend that this is a professional interview. I am the designer and Brado is the client. Got it?
Yeah. We did a role-play. What’s wrong with that? Is that weird? Y’all don’t interview each other and act out different roles while driving in the car? Whatever. You win. You’re cooler than me. Moving on.
D: What time is it?
B: 2:16 am
D: How are you feeling at the moment?
D: Do you think you should you be driving?
B: Why are there so many blown tires on the road? Seriously. What’s up? There’s one. There’s another one….there are three more right there. Where the f#&% are we?
D: Okay Brado, I mean, uh, respected client…can you start by describing your bedroom in 3 words?
B: Unfinished. Neglected. Miss-shapened.
D: What do you see as the biggest problem areas?
B: There are clothes everywhere due to lack of proper storage and we haven’t hung up pictures. It is just not finished.
[I honestly don’t know what he is talking about.]
D: What do you hate the most?
B: The fact that there is shit everywhere. Everything should have a spot. I just want it to be done.
D: What do you think it would take to get it done?
B: Framing and hanging pictures, getting rid of the beast (see below) and buying a new dresser, organizing our stuff, buying proper night stands (see below) and putting in some shelving.
D: How much are you willing to spend?
B: 1000 USD
D: Really? SWEET! Uh…I mean…that is a healthy budget sir. I think we can work with that.
D: What is one word to describe your design style?
D: So, describe your dream bedroom.
B: Airy, clean, simple, beachy, resorty, comfy and has lots of natural light. I want it to look like our wedding!
[ Awwwweeee. Good answer! Good answer!]
B: I want there to be pops of hydrangeas.
D: Ummmmm….we did not have hydrangeas at our wedding. And more importantly what does that mean? Pops of hydrangeas?
B: Never mind.
D: Okay, now we are going to play would you rather? Ready?
B: Another tire…look!
D: Would you rather have a traditional or eccentric space?
D: Seriously? You have to choose.
D: Colorful or neutral?
B: Neutral, probably.
D: Nature prints or graphic prints?
[Funny how I would have answered the exact opposite on all of those.]
D: How do you feel about current paint color in the space?
B: It is a little dark. I like the grey but there is not a lot of natural light so it reads darker. It would be fine if we put other stuff like pictures and shelves on the wall. If this was our forever house, I would let you change paint color. But just for the record, we are not repainting this room.
[Dammit. I really want to repaint it.]
D: How do you feel about the wallpaper behind the bed?
B: I’m kinda done with it. It is a flavor taker. Too overpowering and hard to work with. We should probably take it down.
D: What are the must haves in the space?
B: Our big ass Westin bed and a place for my shit: my headphones, books, phone. Also a bench would be nice so I could put on my socks and what not.
D: What color would you like to see in there?
B: Orange or coral. Basically I want to feel like I’m in Thailand all the time bitches; juxtaposed with wood.
D: What do you think your wife would say about your vision?
B: She will agree with 75% of it, but maybe not the color scheme. She would also like some rustic wood elements. And a new light fixture.
[True dat. That light fixture has to go. He knows me so well.]
D: Is there anything you would like to ask me?
B: What is your experience in designing this kind of space?
D: I have approximately none.
B: You’re hired. When can you start?
D: I’m on vacation. Call me in 8 weeks.
So there you have it folks. Now, if I was a real designer, I would have promptly set to the task of making my client’s vision come to life. But, alas, I am not a designer. I am a wife. And a mom. And a teacher. Which basically means, I’ve been too busy, tired and poor to make anything happen in there.
So all this blabbering on and on was simply to let you know that despite conducting my life saving interview, our bedroom is still a hot mess.
But we have big plans to take it back! Enough with living in squalor. Here some hints at the major players involved:
and maybe even this...
Maybe next week I will have some progress to reveal to you. Probably not, but maybe.
And kids… if you take away nothing else from this blog post, please at least take this: when in a life-threatening situation, never underestimate the power of an interview about bedroom décor.